After liberals spreading fake news about people injecting themselves with disinfectant all weekend, President Trump made his triumphant return to the presidential podium on the back of a bald eagle donning a massive ballsack.
Triumphant... Donning... Get it?...
Anyways, let's get down to what you're here for.
- Cases of Coronavirus in the following areas are in a steady decline:
- The DC Metro Area
- The New York Metro Area
- New Orleans
- Washington DC
- St Louis
- The Army Corps of Engineers made over 11,000 hospital beds
- Over 10,000 ventilators have been distributed across 50 states
- The United States has completed over 5.4 million tests
- This is more than double of any other country
- 5 million kits are being manufactured every week
- 50,000 tests are being completed daily
- By the end of May, the United States will reach over 100,000 tests every day. AMERICA!!!
- Starting in May, all CVS in the United States will use their stores and drive-thrus for COVID-19 testing
- President Trump is initiating an investigation against China for manufacturing biological & economic warfare.
- Trump knows about Kim Jung-Un's health, but can not disclose his condition.
- The following plans are beginning to take effect:
- Robust Diagnostic Testing Plans: Reassuring we can overcome our standard testing & communicate efficiently about clinical care and health decision making.
- Timely Monitoring Systems: Help ID any new oncoming health concerns.
Rapid Response Programs: Develop & execute improved isolation strategies.
Trump then mounted his bald eagle and flew into the sunset horizon to continue his search for the cure of liberalism - I mean - Coronavirus.
Keep America Great by doing your part to re-open America with our "Keep America Great Trump Face Mask"!