The First Week of Impeachment Trial Summarized & Explained by Dan J

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The First Week of Impeachment Trial Summarized & Explained

The First Week of Impeachment Trial Summarized & Explained

The s#!tshow waste of time impeachment trial has wrapped up its Friday evening, and who would've guessed it, but the Democrats have absolutely nothing to show for it.

I mean c'mon guys, don't you have a district to look after or something?

Isn't that your f$#@inG JOB?!

It seems like the only one who does their job RIGHT is the one who's on trial...

Anyways, it's hard to find a reliable source of what actually happened, but if you're looking for the goddammned American TRUTH, it's here. 

Day 1: Democrats Try To Bend the Rules, Gets Kicked in the Pussy 


  • The Senate established the rules for the trial.

  • Democrats tried to make amendments, got their asses served a fresh, hot plate of democracy

  • Mitch "Trump 20Forever" McConnell made last-minute changes to the rules to make the trial more fair

  • President "Don't Waste My Time With This Hores#!t" Trump responded:
“The Democrats are an utter joke — they have no case, and this latest political stunt proves it."

Day 2: Literally Nothing New Was Brought to Light

  • Lead House impeachment manager Rep. Adam Schiff walked through a timeline of he-said-she-said nonsense about Ukraine. 

    Nobody bought it.

  • Many of these "facts" were pulled from the November impeachment hearings.

  • Schiff admitted that nobody really watched the entirety of the hearings.
Pennsylvania Republican Pat Toomey: “I didn’t hear anything new today."

Day 3: Fidget Spinners



  • Before the trial began, Republican Senator Richard Burr handed out fidget spinners to fellow Republicans.

    No, I'm not kidding. That's how pointless this trial is.

  • Democrats tried to prove that Trump was using the Ukranian situation for personal political gain..... without any evidence............................

“I know a lot about the Trump family and their dealings in Russia. I don’t know anything about the Biden connection. You’re going to hear more about that.” - Republican Senator Lindsey Graham

Day 4: Tin Foil Hats


  • House prosecutors took the last day to focus on the obstruction of Congress charge.

  • Two Democratic Representatives are using a conspiracy theory about a massive cover-up as evidence that the President was guilty of obstructing Congress.

    I can't make this s#!t up.

  • A vague recording of Trump saying, "Get rid of her. Get her out tomorrow. I don’t care. Get her out tomorrow. Take her out. O.K.? Do it.”

  • The Democrats are using this recording as evidence that the President was talking about Yovanovitch, U.S. ambassador to Ukraine at the time.

    But the recording doesn't explicitly say who Trump is referring to.

  •  Democrats kept trying to present new evidence, which violates the rules of trial, so of course they were denied.

  • Trump tweets:

  • Instead of wasting his time at this Kangaroo Court, President Trump appeared at the largest anti-abortion demonstration, the Annual March For Life.

    Oh, what an awful President, using his time to save babies from being murdered... (Can you hear my sarcasm?)


So, the long and short of it is that the Democrats produced absolutely no new evidence.

No one is convinced.

Republicans found it so unconvincing they resorted to fidget spinners.

What do you think of this absolute waste of tax dollars?

Let me know in the comments!

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